Poor cow has moved!

Our holiday is coming to an end, we froze at the beach for a while, and everyone is relaxing a bit after the excitement of the last couple of weeks. If you want to know what the future has in store for us, you will need to check out at http://poorcowinfrance.wordpress.com/ as I have moved my blog over to the dark side. See you there! Poor cow xx

The club

T has a collection of brothers accessorised with a collection of nephews and nieces. Last week, I met up with two of my ex-sisters in law, and made some interesting discoveries... Such as the fact that I had become the latest addition to the growing club of victims of the T brothers curse.
I always knew T’s family had been profoundly affected by loss and the dysfunction of the parental couple, but had never fully realised how much it had shaped T’s and his brothers’ life. From my sis in law, I heard how every single one of them craves the idea of fixing their childhood by having their own family, and being a good husband and father. But when reality hits, they all fail, leaving behind a trail of incredulous exes, trying to bring up children whose fathers are no more than wounded little boys.

Happy international women’s day everyone, and special kisses to my brave sis in law: You rock.

Neneh Cherry - Woman

Deep breath

I have managed to get a bit of sleep, and sit in the sun, surrounded by relatives and friends. My children are playing happily, I am coming up for air. For the time being, we are all safe here, away from the unrecognisable T. I take a deep breath and survey the devastation left by last week with an eerie feeling: Everything looks the same, yet everything is different. I have learnt that if you really want to hurt a parent, you should hurt their child while they watch you helplessly do it.

Tom McRae – You only disappear

The park

Children everywhere play in the sunshine, a very light wind rustles palms fronds and carries the smell of a nearby mimosa. A lone man plays the kora on the edge of the fountain. It is Sunday afternoon in Montpellier.
How can life be so magnificent and so ugly all at once?

Salif Keita - Ana ne ming

 

Lost for words

I thought it would be a long and slow process, but it only took a two-hour conversation to kill the love I had for T. It would seem the man I let into my and my son’s life, who always said he considered and loved my son like his own has changed his mind… Actually, what he says is “I still consider him like my son (why of course), but I would like to see his sister more, and take her only on holiday abroad”. Like this is the most normal thing in the world to tell a child who refers to you as "my daddy".

How much longer?

Two months. This week found me having yet another delightful time pinned to bed with the flu, the inside of my head lined with Marshmallow, wanting my mummy and missing my children all at once. Back to square one, to the same obsessing questions: Why did T not say anything, not even try to address whatever he felt was wrong with us? Aren’t we worth fighting for? How can he think this is better? Is 9 am is too early for a double Bailey’s?

If any of you readers have been through similar experiences, how long was it before you were through with abject misery? Before you were able to let go?

September – Cry for you